The thing that is at the front of my mind right now is the odd combination of feeling old and worn down along with feeling like a lost child in a mall.
To delve deeper into this matter, I decided to list out what problems make me feel old and what make me feel young.
************************
Old:
Being all sad and shit. I frequently get into these "moods" where I don't want to do anything but be sad. I just want to lay down and sleep, hopefully to "reset" my emotions. Sometimes, something triggers these emotions and other times I am just in a funk for no reason.
Nightmares: These are part of the reason that I am up at this ungodly hour. I suffer from night terrors that will jolt me awake. I cannot get back to sleep for fear of just continuing the dream.
Other People: I have always had a really difficult time connecting with people. I never seem to know what to do or what to say in any given situation/ I have a really hard time getting "social cues" and making eye contact. People write me off as awkward, clumsy or slow. It's awfully lonely.
Money: then again, who doesn't that affect?
Young:
Work: I have no idea what I am doing. I am a failure of a fast food server.
School: I don't know what I want, or if my degree choice was the right one for me. Especially given how long it is going to take me to complete said degree. Not to mention the way that I am treated by the higher ups here, like I am an idiot and completely incompetent.
The future: I don't know what the fuck I want to do after I graduate.
***********************
Listing these all out really did help. I'll post something about how I plan to rectify the problems that I am facing. Or at least, how to get a different and more positive outlook on the problems that I am facing. These are all very broad categories (minus the nightmares) and I chose not to go into great detail with any other them. We would have been here all night had I done that.
-Miki
